Emily-->proana


 * 2/10/10**[]Hiya. So for my Support group in working on finding some proana sights, which if you don't know is a support group for anorexics who plan on staying anorexic. It's a place for them to trade hints and track each other's progress...so far I have found a lot of "thinspiration" tips and pages with definitions but I am having a rough time finding actually support groups. Here's a link to 4 pages of "thinspirations" most are pretty rediculously unhealthy, as you could guess.

2/24/10 Joined a proana site today! I searched about the term on google and I found out that LiveJournal is one of the FEW sites that does not block this type of content sooo I signed up for an account as emilyladida and searched 'ana'. I actually found a ton of support groups on there but I just decided to look at the top 5 most posted. So far what I am reading is pretty depressing. Also, I want to post what I am looking at but I don't know how to do that yet other than links? Liz, if you're reading this, any help?[]

2/24/10 This LiveJournal thing is great! I just requested to be part of 5 communities: pro_ana_nation anarexicqueen am_i_thin (which had an open entry to so im in) angels_of_ana

I'm not sure yet what you have to do to get "accepted" to the community but I think updating my profile is a good start but I am in the library sooo I don't have any pics to put up and I don't know what to put in the profile to make myself look anorexic. hmmm ill play with it at home after class.

2/26/10 angels_of_ana does not want me. :( I don't really know what to do or say that could get me in it, so I'll leave it be...am_i_thin and anarexicqueen both let me in.

3/5/10 I noticed one thing on the side bar of anarexicqueen that was kind of nice. They have a bunch of different support groups related to anorexia listed including other proana sites, wellness sites, education sites and sites for those seriously wanting help. I was looking and reading some of the things on these and the help one is called "firefly" and includes a TON of information on getting help with or without insurance and ways of coping with the illness. Also ed_ucate is another sister community to this one which gives a bunch of information about the illness. I just kind of thought this was interesting considering how negatively these kinds of communities are perceived by the outside world. I mean, maybe they have changed now because of how many were shut down but it it seeming more and more like this is not THAT unhealthy of a place for these people.

I'm seeing a trend. Control issues.

3/12/10 I think it's interesting, I see more men (or what appears to be men) in am_i_thin. The men say the same things, but somehow its just obvious when its a guy. Things like "I'm built but..." are just guyish and when I look, the avatar is a male so I feel like it probably is one. Weird, when I think of ED I usually don't picture a man, I just feel like they don't face as much social pressure to be visually desirable...I guess that's why there is not as many of them. Interesting that they exist more so in this site than the other though...I wonder why that is.

4/17/10 This is the first time I have seen this talked about and it is something I have been wondering and considered posting about. Adderol is an appetite suppressant, I actually know that it makes you literally forget to eat because you aren't hungry and occupied by other things. I've wondered how this wasn't brought up on these blogs at all especially since I feel like it is so commonly taken on campus' and MOST of these girls are high school-college age and talk about school a great deal. What's even more weird is she said she took it and didn't eat all day but says NOTHING about that. I feel like everyone just knows that about Adderol, I mean I learned it from my roommate who is not perscribed it and weigt loss is listed as a common side effect. I'm not advocating this in any way, it's just something that surprises me that its not on here. Anyway, back to reading.

This is the link to a kind of cool blog of a girl who is writing a book about how boarding schools breed eating disorders. She's part of anarexicqueen and put a little link on there and asked for people to give her input...I was looking through here a little bit, kind of interesting. It paints a bit of a different and more positive picture than what I am seeing :) []

4/21/10 This is depressing. 88.5 lbs. and mad about it.

4/29/10 My b/f dropped me off this morning for class and I was stopped on the corner waiting for a green light and there was this girl in front of me...I kid you not, probably 5'6ish and tops 80 lbs. TOPS. She limped across the road at a snails pace, I can't tell you how much I wanted to hug her. I obviously didn't but it was upsetting. It makes me wonder how often she even goes to class, I would never go if I had to limp there, gosh I can't even imagine it being worth it. I mean it's one thing to read all of this...its totally another to see it.

5/4/10 I found what I think is an outsider! The avatar is a picture of a man, whether this is a man or not, I have no idea. The comment was "You know...you can say something positive about yourselves." Impressive and ballsy, but everyone responded pretty well. One girl said she has great "feet", most of them commented on their //inside// characteristics and not anything on the outside but nobody took any offense to it. That's cool. I almost wish I would have seen that a long time ago...er this person would have posted it a long time ago.

Wow, this one hit home with me. It's weird to think that while I am here living life normally there is somebody living so miserably; someone just so unhappy and sick that they treat themselves this way. I think it was the "ps happy cico de mayo, healthy people. have fun gorging yourself on tacos. hah" that really got me. It is cico de mayo, I did not eat any tacos, but if I wanted to...I could. She couldn't, er she could but would "purge' just like she did after the 2 french fries from Wendys...mind you, the first food AFTER a 2 day fast. Sad. Even more sad is how much she puts herself down...how all of these people put themselves down, and they know it but cannot help it. If I have learned anything from this its that I'm pretty lucky. Like lucky in ways I have never considered, I have a healthy //mind// which is pretty darn important but something that is easy to take for granted because you don't see other's //unhealthy// minds. You can be pretty normal to the outside world but struggle with yourself more than anyone probably knows. So, sorry, "tepym3", you deserve better than you are giving yourself and I wish somebody could get that through to you...so that you too could ENJOY a taco on cico de mayo. :(